Self-Love Isn't Selfish: Why Prioritizing Yourself Matters
- arsha47
- Jun 21
- 3 min read
I want to begin by saying that choosing yourself is NOT a crime.
For too long, we've been taught that prioritizing ourselves is selfish, that we should always be available, always say yes, and always make sure everyone else is okay—even at the expense of our own peace. But let's be real:
How often do you check in on yourself?
The truth is, being a people pleaser is a reality you create for yourself. No one forces you to say yes, to put everyone else's feelings above your own, or to be the emotional backbone for everyone in your life. You do it because you think you have to. But you don't.
You Can't Pour From an Empty Cup
Imagine you're holding an empty cup of water. That water represents your energy, your time, and your emotional well-being. Every time you help someone, listen to their problems, or put their needs before yours, you pour a little bit of water out.
But what happens when your cup runs empty?
Who's refilling it?
You can't keep giving when there is nothing left to give. Filling your own cup first is not selfish—it's necessary. Ask yourself: Am I okay? Am I whole? If the answer is no, prioritize your own well-being before supporting others—neglecting yourself will only diminish the help you can offer.
Stop Trying to "Save" Everyone
Let's get one thing straight: you cannot "fix" people who don't want to change. You cannot force someone to heal, to grow, or to make better choices. And if you keep trying, all you're doing is draining yourself.
You are not responsible for carrying other people's problems.
You are not obligated to always be available.
You do not have to sacrifice your own peace to make someone else comfortable.
Sometimes, the best thing you can do is step back and let people figure things out on their own. Growth happens when people are ready—not when you force it.
Not Everyone Will Understand—And That's Okay
Sometimes, when you start prioritizing yourself, not everyone will be happy about it. Some may call you selfish, distant, or claim you've changed.
But growth is about learning to value yourself, and not everyone will understand that—and that's okay.
You can't please everyone, and trying to will only strip away your authenticity. Stay true to yourself, and the right people will appreciate you for who you truly are.
Surround Yourself with Positivity
Look at the people around you—are they helping you grow or keeping you stuck?
Do they bring you joy or drain you?
Is the relationship mutual, or are you the only one putting in effort?
Are they stuck in a cycle of negativity with no effort to change?
You become who you surround yourself with. Be mindful of who you allow into your life.
Stop Needing Validation from Others
When you rely on other people to validate your worth, you give them control over your happiness. Their opinions start shaping your reality. But here’s the truth: you are already enough. You don’t need someone else to confirm that for you. You are smart, talented, beautiful, and powerful—own that.
Embrace YOU
Do what feels good for you. Stop exhausting yourself trying to keep up, trying to meet expectations that aren't even yours. When you focus on your own happiness, the right things and people will align with you naturally.
The Maui GEMS program
At Maui GEMS, the focus is on empowering young women to embrace their worth, set boundaries, and take care of themselves. Being a leader or someone who makes a difference doesn’t mean giving up your own needs. It’s about knowing when to take a step back, recharge, and let others take responsibility for their own growth. True leadership comes from balance—prioritizing well-being while supporting and guiding others.
Support Maui GEMS here:
QOTD: How do you practice self-love or self-care?
I usually draw before bed or journal, especially after a big event. I find that late at night, when I’m feeling most sentimental, it’s easier to process my emotions and recharge.
Let me know what you do down in the comments!
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